Making New Year’s Resolutions into ART

Posted: January 5, 2012 in Goals, Growth, Perserverance, Take Control
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New Year's ResolutionAs December is to crazy shopping centers, so January is to crazy fitness centers.  High traffic (and no parking), high stress, high insanity.  If you’re like me, then your desire to do something is inversely proportional to the level of crazy that you must endure.  Accordingly, January is the worst time of the year to go to the gym.  The influx of New Years Resolutioners is at its most intense at the beginning of the month.  Fortunately, by January 30, all has returned to normal.

It’s not that I wish any of the ‘Resolutioners’ ill, nor do I want them to fail to achieve their goals.  It’s just that a great deal of historical data tells me that they won’t.  Knowing this makes me extra cynical as I want and try to poach an unoccupied treadmill.

If you have a New Year’s Resolution, and you want to actually accomplish something, make sure to structure it as a SMART goal. SMART is an acronym for:

S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Achievable
R – Realistic
T – Time-bound

SMART goals are overly-common though tragically under-utilized strategies.  By this, I mean that most resolutions don’t suffer from a lack of (S) specificity, although most are a bit anemic when it comes to (M) measurability.  The last three letters (ART), don’t get much focus at all.

Here’s what I discovered last year.  I can do anything for one month.  Sure, New Month’s Resolution doesn’t have the same ring to it, but at least I achieve something.  Hey!  There’s the elusive (A) in my SMART goal.  Pretty much takes care of the (R) as well since I know I can sustain a one-month effort.  But wait, we’re talking about a month here, which is a measure of time (T).  Holy smokes, I did it.  I completed the model.

Some examples:

  • Losing weight – Go to the gym 2x per week for just one month
  • Stop drinking Diet Coke – Replace Diet Coke with sparkling water for just one month
  • Have a cleaner home – Spend 15 minutes cleaning, 3x per week, for just one month
  • Be more romantic – Do one unexpected nice thing for my wife 1x per week for just one month

Recommendation:  This year, make your New Year’s Resolutions into ART by breaking them into one month increments.  If you achieved your goal in month one, then extend it for a month.  For extra credit, you can even make your goal incrementally harder.  Just make sure that it stays (A) achievable, (R) realistic, and (T) time-bound!

Life Lessons from Mens Softball

Posted: August 18, 2010 in Positivity, Take Control
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I played in the state championship tournament for mens novice slow-pitch softball a couple of weeks ago.  As an FYI to everyone who’s never been to this prestigious tournament, saying that you went to state for mens novice softball is like saying you got a trophy when you played tee ball.  Pretty much everyone that plays tee ball gets a trophy, and well, everyone that plays mens novice softball goes to state. 

You might think that because everyone gets to go, those of us that play wouldn’t take it too seriously.  You’d be wrong.  Mens novice softball is the most competitive non-competitive sport out there.  It’s life and death on the slow-pitch diamond.  We take it seriously and we play our level-best.  Sure, there are full-grown men that strike out or don’t hit past the pitcher’s mound, but they are giving it their all and even they will be at state.  Needless to say, striking out in slow pitch is an embarrassing occasion where even in a church league, you’ll endure more than a few taunts and jabs.

I have a batting ritual that I run through at every at-bat, just so that this won’t happen to me.  I used to say that I’ll never strike out in slow-pitch because its slow pitch, but I have definitely struck out.  It only happened once, after which, per the recommendations of my teammates, I promptly left the field and headed straight home to remove my panties from the dryer.  I would say that it will never happen again, but pride cometh before the fall, so I stick to the ritual. 

Stepping up to the plate, I tap the bat firmly against the inside of my cleats to knock out any mud clinging to them.  I place my left hand just inside the cap at the base of the bat to give myself the most leverage and grasp just above that with my right hand.  To visualize where the bat will connect with the ball, I take a couple light swings.  

Then, I give the pitcher a hard stare, and he looks back at me with black grease under his eyes to protect them from the harsh sun.  In our battle of mutual intimidation before he lobs the ball, I make sure I am ready-er than him. 

As the umpire lowers his hand, signaling the go-ahead to the pitcher, I watch in slow motion as the ball is pitched–which is easy because, in slow pitch, the ball actually travels in slow motion.  As it ever slowly crosses the distance between the pitcher’s mound and me, I think to myself, “Feet planted, step-in, level swing, eye-on-ball, CRACK!, swing through.”  Although it’s happened before, most of the time I don’t strike out, hitting past the pitcher’s mound and somewhere out into the green outfield.  On a few good occasions, the ball burns past the heads of the outfielders resulting in a run or two.  On the best occasions, the ball sails over the fence while waving to the hapless outfield players who can only watch in dismay.

I expect more success out of the ritual I just described, each time I step up to the plate, than if I were to instead think, “don’t strike out, don’t strike out, don’t strike out.” 

In things big and small, I know that my thoughts matter.  If I focus my attention on what I want, I know that I will achieve it with far more consistency than if I focus my attention on avoiding what I don’t want. 

What do you want?

Humility, Forgiveness, and Corrective Lenses

Posted: August 11, 2010 in Humility
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A while back, following a team meeting, I was talking to a project manager named Holly.  She asked me if I could believe what Joe did during our meeting.  Joe was the team leader, and I didn’t really understand what Holly meant.  So I asked her what he did.  Holly furiously described how Joe cut her off and prevented her from voicing her ideas during our team meeting.  I responded that I’m not always very observant and hadn’t noticed.  Holly explained to me that, because she was a woman, Joe frequently undermined her ideas and prevented her from contributing to the team.  She continued by telling me that he did that to all the women on our team.

I felt bad for Holly and concerned about Joe, and decided to gently confront Joe about his potentially sexist attitude.  Joe had no idea and explained that as a new manager he felt nervous leading and knew that he sometimes talked too quickly for others to feel comfortable sharing their ideas.  He also said that he valued Holly as an important member on our team because of her ability to keep our projects on time and on budget.  Joe went further to say that he didn’t think we would be as good of a team without Holly’s effective project management.

To make things right, Joe went to Holly and attempted an apology.  Later, Holly told me how arrogant Joe had been to think that he could apologize and make up for anything.  Over the subsequent few weeks, I noticed that Holly frequently felt wronged or undervalued.  She would also try to enlist other team members to side with her against her perceived tormenters.  It wasn’t long before Holly quit.

This sounds crazy, but I’m sure most people know someone like this.  This would be a person who view the world through a lens that engenders contention, pain, and feelings of victimization.  Viewing the world this way makes it difficult to ever forgive and undermines any potential reconciliation.

As leaders, we want to be confident but not arrogant, humble but not a doormat, ambitious but not delusional.  It can be hard to navigate the intricacies of what it takes to be a leader.  Unfortunately, when we err, it’s often to the side that we perceive to be stronger.  Because of this, we overlook the important leadership qualities of forgiveness, humility, viewing the world through the right lens.

Corrective Lenses
Holly’s negative view of our leadership and team cultivated through her lens.  From her perspective, she saw duplicity in every kindness, and malicious intentions in most interactions.  Whereas Joe valued Holly, she believed he was sexist.  Though his nervousness made him speak quickly, she believed he was doing so to prevent her from speaking.

One of the worst things we can do to our relationships is to decide that we know the motives behind the actions of others.  What we should do instead, is to believe the best and then ask.  When we lock on a motive, we often build a fiction in our minds that we hold as truth.  This can lead us to feel wronged.  Instead of assuming motives, approach each interaction from a place of curiosity.  Get corrective lenses by asking why.  Doing this gives others an opportunity to explain their motives.  If she had asked, Holly would have understood that she was valued.  Knowing this may have made her feel important instead of angry.

Forgiveness
Forgiving is one of the most challenging things to do.  Forgiveness means releasing your right to be angry about a perceived or actual wrong.  Each of us, at times, puts on a self-righteous hat and decides to withhold forgiveness.  This is one of the biggest reasons for broken families and destroyed relationships.  Paradoxically with forgiveness, almost 100% of the benefits go to the forgiver.  It is actually a very selfless thing to ask someone to forgive you because, if they do, you don’t see much of the benefit.

It’s true that Holly’s anger spilled out onto our team, but without a doubt, she was the most burdened by it.  If she had forgiven Joe when he apologized, she would have released that burden of anger and would probably still be with the team.

Humility
Humility is especially challenging for leaders because many leaders like to achieve and then admire their achievements.  After all, why would anyone want to be humble if it means you can’t be proud of your accomplishements?  People who look at humility this way just don’t get it.  Humility is not about rejecting pride in a job well done.  Humility merely allows for the possibility of imperfection.  It’s admitting that there may be someone out there who could possibly have done a better job.

When applied to relationships and communication, its takes humility to forgive and it takes humility to admit that you don’t always know the motives behind the actions of others.  Most conflict resolution requires humility because you have to admit the possibility of being wrong.  Holly could not admit the possibility that her perceptions could have been false.  She was too worried that if she gave up that territory that someone would snatch it away from her.  In reality, if she could have exercised humility, she would have found a team of people who would have honored her vulnerability.

Make the decision today that you will have the humility to ask why, and that you will have the humility to forgive.  For extra credit, think of someone from whom you have withheld forgiveness, and reconcile with that person.  Don’t forget your corrective lenses

It’s a Good Day to be Stubborn

Posted: August 4, 2010 in Perserverance
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My entire family is in-shape.  I’m not just talking about fit.  One of my brothers looks like a GI Joe action figure, the other one like an Abercrombie poster, and my mother, who is remarried to the captain of the Seattle fire department, could probably summit Mt. Ranier as a day hike. 

I’m not terribly out of shape, but let’s just say I’m doing my best to thwart my good genes.  I love sports, but hate exercising without a tangible purpose.  To qualify, exercise must involve an inflatable ball of some kind and a moderate to high-level of competition.  Running, in and of itself, is not my cup of tea.  In fact, running is everything that I dislike about other sports that I play, wrapped up into an activity of its own.  Furthermore, running up or down stairs is like distlling my dislike into its most potent form.  Unfortunately for me, my family feels otherwise, and regularly ropes me into these kinds of painful activities.

If you live anywhere near a stadium that is open to the public, or easy to break into, then you have probably heard the phrase, ‘Run the stairs.’  This phrase indicates an activity where an individual will start at one side of a stadium, running up one flight of stairs and down the next until they have circuited the entire venue.  ’Running the stairs,’ is a special kind of self-torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  Unfortunately, with my family’s fitness background, there is no way for me to escape it.

The first time my brother asked me if I wanted to go, ‘run the stairs,’  everything inside of me was screaming, NO!  But not wanting to be outdone by my little brother, of course I had to accept.  We arrived at the stadium which is built into the side of a hill, the height of which is emphasized by a miles-long panoramic view of the Puget Sound.  For me at that moment, it was hard to appreciate anything beautiful when I knew that torture was right around the corner. 

Imagine my relief when the wrought-iron gates at the top of the stadium were locked.  I thanked my lucky stars and began to head back to the car when brother asked if I was coming.  I thought he might have been joking, but my hopes were dashed when smiling, he blithely hopped the fence and waited for me on the other side. 

As we started running the first flight of stairs, I was surprised that I was actually enjoying myself.  I had this feeling like I was soaring on the wings of eagles-like I could conquer the world.  20-minutes later, 15 flights of stairs into my repititious tour of the stadium, and with lungs burning, I desperately wanted to quit.  In fact, I had wanted to quit for the past 19 minutes and 30 seconds, about halfway up the first flight.  Sweat pouring down my face, I looked up, wheezing, and saw my brother who was many flights ahead of me and nearing the end of the stadium.  I had hoped he would quit before the end, allowing me to do the same, but in that moment, I knew that I had to finish.  I literally gritted my teeth and set my mind to finishing the last 15 or so flights.

Suddenly, the last length of stairs loomed up ahead of me.  I didn’t know how I had made it that far, but there it was.  I began to stumble up the final steps and nearing collapse, made it to the top.  My brother smiled at me and gave me a sweaty one-arm hug.  If I had had the energy, I would have punched him.  Then, all of a sudden, I got that feeling again - the euphoria, like I could do anything.  It was simultaneously a feeling of power and accomplishment. 

In that moment, I had an epiphany about perseverance.  It’s a word we hear often, and its a quality often pursued.  I’ve heard more than a few people talking about wanting to learn or develop perseverance.  What I don’t think many of them realize, is that perseverance presupposes that at some point, you will want to quit. 

Whether it’s the lungs-burning, wheezing, desperation that you feel when doing something crazy like running the stairs, or a project that’s not going as well as you hoped, or a business you’re trying to get off the ground with obstacles seeming to come out of the woodwork, we are human.  We are going to feel discouraged and defeated at times.  We are going to feel that we want to quit. 

I’m not talking about mild discomfort, or the feeling of working harder or longer.  Perseverance is when almost everything inside of you wants to stop, give up what you’re doing, and quit–but you don’t.  Perseverance is keeping that part of your attention that matters, focused on your goal.  It is having a strong enough reason for doing something that when you feel like quitting, you still achieve it. 

Most people never develop perseverance because they are governed by their feelings at the moment.  They let life happen, and they let life pass them by.  Real accomplishment, and I mean the kind that you are proud of, takes perseverance.  But the only way to develop this quality is to have a strong enough reason for accomplishment, that you are compelled to succeed. 

So today, review your goals, and consider for a moment what it will feel like to accomplish them.  If you feel nothing, then set new goals!  Do it now!  A clearly articulated and burning desire will fuel your perseverance and keep you from quitting when you desperately want to.

Now What? A Survival Guide for when there are Too Many Choices

Posted: July 27, 2010 in Take Control
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It took Thomas Edison 10,000 versions of the lightbulb before he found one that worked.  When asked about his many failures he replied, “I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

I remember the day that I graduated from college for a few reasons.  First, its only been a few years, and other than my rebellious junior year where I consumed enough caffeine to choke Juan Valdez’s donkey, I didn’t do much of anything that qualified as mind-altering while in college.  Having preserved most of my brain cells, forgetting my graduation would indicate a problem.

Second, that particular day sticks out in my mind because we had the good fortune to have sunny weather–allowing us to enjoy our commencement on the freshly-mowed athletics field.  

That may not sound like it qualifies as memorable except for two things:  sun is not always something you can expect up here in Washington, and I have a grass allergy.  There is nothing quite so perfectly memorable as getting carried across the stage due to the frequency and power of the sneezes which caused me to convulse violently every few seconds.    Suffice to say, it was a day much like any other.  There was just one problem.  With the exception of yours truly, everyone around me seemed to think this was the culmination of my young life.

High school and college graduations are often memorable experiences.  Perhaps you remember the ceremony and pageantry, the feeling of culmination and of accomplishment, the potential and promise of great things to come.  Or perhaps you remember a buzz kill, the day your bubble burst, and the day everyone asked, “Now what?”  A question to which you had no good response, making you feel pretty crappy.  After all, from their perspective, the world was your oyster, you could’ve choosen anything! 

As most of us know from experience, too many choices be crippling.  Some of those same people who asked me ‘Now What?’, regularly take 45 minutes choosing ice cream at Baskin Robbins, even though they always end up getting Prailines and Creme. 

With an abundance of choices comes the pressure to choose the very best one.  It doesn’t matter if you’re choosing ice cream, a movie at Blockbuster, a major, a career–the list goes on.  Each of us feel a compulsion that forces us to agonize over the choice.  We feel somehow, that if we choose wrong, it will mean that we failed. 

You might think I’m crazy, but I believe that choosing wrong is actually one of the markers that someone will be successful.  Let me explain:

At 3M, a large multi-national company known for innovation, the senior leaders encourage failure.  They actually request that their employees ‘fail faster.’  This concept is the very seed of innovation, vision, and brilliance because it removes the pressure from choice.  Fail faster!  This philosophy says, “Don’t worry about the specific choice.  Just choose something quickly.  If it doesn’t work out, if you ‘fail’, or if you discover that you’ve made the wrong choice, you have actually succeeded.  Well done!” 

I just wish that I could have learned this sooner.  What a relief it would have been to know that no matter what I chose, I could always choose differently down the road.  It would have saved me a lot of unnecessary agony, and I would have been able to answer the question, “Now what?” with confidence and conviction. 

So now, I’m turning that question back to you.  “Now What?”  What decisions have you been putting off in your life?  I challenge you to make your choice right now.  It will be your first step toward your next success.

As you approach life, your career, and ice cream, choose quickly and fail faster!  If you don’t like what you end up with, then choose something else.  No big deal.  Wash, rinse, and repeat until you find your perfect fit. 

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.” ~Napolean Hill

A Million Dollar Idea – Part 1: Hard Feedback

Posted: July 20, 2010 in Perserverance
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Good feedback is a combination of praise and criticism.  Praise highlights your strengths and provides a cushion for the criticism that shows you where you can improve.  My problem is that when I ask for feedback, I usually just want the praise part, preferring that you leave the criticism out.  Sure I want to improve, but on my own terms.  But even though I don’t like it, I can hear criticism and not crumble apart.  Criticism is critical to good feedback and good feedback accelerates both your success and overall growth.

At the beginning of the year, I was working on prototyping a new piece of information technology that I believed would have a tremendous impact on overall profitability for small and medium-sized businesses.  I decided to share the idea with an entrepreneur friend of mine to get his thoughts. 

The entrepreneur looked at it and told me that he believed it was worth about a million dollars, but based on what he knew about me, it was unlikely that I would see any of that money.  It’s a disorienting sensation to be both elated and crushed at the same time, but that’s pretty much what I felt.  So I asked him, if it was such a good idea, then why wouldn’t it work?

He told me that it didn’t have much to do with the idea itself.  It had to do with me.  I didn’t have any discipline or follow through.  So even though I’m excited about this idea, and even though it’s a good idea, he had low confidence that I would carry it through to completion.  Ouch!  There went the elation, and I was left feeling crushed and a little angry.  I mean aren’t your friends supposed to support you no matter what? 

My friend could tell that his words had stung, so he kindly pointed out that, as a good friend, he only wanted to be real with me, and wasn’t that what I preferred?  Of course I preferred him to be real, but I would appreciate if he weren’t such a jerk about it.  My friend laughed and told me that it was up to me how I took his feedback, and that I should realize that sometimes a kick-in-the-pants is just what people need  (There’s that whole E+R=O thing again.)

I knew he was right, and I chose to do something about it.  Seven months ago I began to focus on discipline and follow through.  Between here and there I’ve experienced a staggering difference, but it wasn’t overnight.  It’s in the small daily choices, little by little, that I’m developing perseverance. 

I know that not everyone struggles with feedback the way that I do, but even so, I would encourage anyone reading this to set goals, take a few steps, and then share your work with someone you respect.  Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback.  People love to share their opinions and will gladly let you know what they think, especially if they know that you’re asking because you respect them.  Furthermore, good feedback is never a bad thing as long as you can embrace the praise, and hear, accept, and take steps to act on the criticism. 

I can see that my discipline is paying off because I’m getting closer to completing the prototype of my idea.  Though no one can tell the future, I know that this idea will work and I’m committed to seeing it through to the end.  Thanks for the feedback!

Event plus Reponse equals Outcome

Posted: July 14, 2010 in Positivity, Take Control
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Who will be more successful–someone who has achieved an MBA, or someone who never attended undergrad?

What is the single best determinant of success?  Ask this question in a group of people and you’re going to get a lot of different answers.  Some of the answers you will hear are education, previous wealth, the right opportunities, desire, persistance.  In reality, all of these answers are false, and they are also all partly true. 

I recently participated in discussion on LinkedIn where the question was asked, “Who will be more successful–someone who has achieved an MBA, or someone who never attended undergrad?”  This sparked a debate between the value of each.  Remarkably in this discussion, both sides are represented more or less equally.  Below is my response:

“Both individuals have the ability to be successful at the same levels. One of the brightest and most successful entrepreneurs that I know never went to undergrad. Furthermore, I know this to be a common story among many successful entrepreneurs. On the other hand, an MBA can provide the tactical education as well as important connections that have helped launch many a successful enterprise. This leads me to believe that it is not our level of education or the number of opportunties we encounter, but it is our response to them that determines our success. “

As asserted by world renouned success coach, Jack Canfield, The key here is the formula E + R = O.  The event plus our response to it equals the outcome we obtain.  We cannot always control the events in our lives but we can control our response to them.  This means that a minority child raised by an illiterate single mother, who drops out of high school and faces adversity every day can choose his response!  In this specific example, I’m referring to Wally Amos who grew up to found Famous Amos cookies.  Someone with an MBA or wealthy parents who offer an abundance of opportunities, may also be successful of course–but it is their reponse to those things that makes it so and not just that they occured. 

So what I want to focus on over the next few weeks and months, is making sure that I have the correct response to the events that happen in my life.  To do this here’s what I’ll try to do: 

  • When an event occurs, I will try to identify the various possible responses that I could have.
  • I will identify, what I feel will be, my best possible response to that event
  • Then I will identify the steps I need to take, or the mindset I need to have, to achieve that best response
  • Then I will TAKE ACTION

All of the above steps are important because there are always choices after each event.  If we are not deliberate in choosing our response, then we may not always choose the best one.  As you read this, I hope that you will feel empowered knowing that you are always in control of your response, and it is your response that determines your success. 

Have a good week everyone and thanks for reading.

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